Weller 12 Year Bourbon

I’m a fan of Weller 12. A great sipper and one of the bourbons that turned me onto whiskey. But also I’m a small retailer who when trying to get some Weller, you’d think I’m asking for the Hope Diamond. I’d just like a couple allocated bottles of Buffalo Trace product for my customers. Maybe a little Weller. Maybe—maybe—some Blanton’s. Not even Pappy! I’m reasonable!

But no, no— to get a bottle of any of that, I have to make a deal with the Rainbow Mashbill Devil! Sazerac says, “Oh sure, we’ll get you some allocation… but first—you gotta buy 400 cases of cinnamon-flavored antifreeze. You gotta move this peppermint garbage, this liqueur that smells like regret and bad decisions.” So now I’m sitting here with a backroom full of neon-colored whiskey even college kids wouldn’t touch if you paid them in pizza and poor decisions…“Fluorescent Unicorn Sneeze.” “Aqua-Holic Maple Bacon Ghost Pepper” anyone?

And then they say, “It’s allocated.” Allocated! What am I, a contestant on Supermarket Sweep? Meanwhile the big chain store down the street—ohhh, they’ve got cases. Pallets! They’re handing it out with scratchers and rotisserie chickens but not a drop of “Tickle Me Bourbon” or “Green Envy Reserve”. But me? I’m the schmo with 182 bottles of glow-in-the-dark watermelon schnapps and a broken dream.

Oh and the “package deals”…let’s call that a hostage situation! “You want this nice bourbon? Ohhh, that’s cute. First you gotta buy this crap that smells like Axe body spray and divorce.”

In other words, sorry but my back room isn’t full enough of neon colored liqueurs so unfortunately no Wellers either. Please check back because just maybe Sazerac will change their allocation algorithm so small retailers who don’t want to sell Glitter Mash and Hangover Glow will be able to offer their customers some nice whiskey without having to package it with the backroom stock of Blue Flame Bourbon!